10 Things You should Not Say to Someone Challenged with Mental Illness
Recently, Joy, a high street clothes store, nearly got #joycott when they sparked a controversial storm with a comment many thought was deeply offensive to those challenged with mental illness, in particular bipolar disorder. A card which went on sale said, don’t get mad, take lithium. They further sparked more hullabaloo with apparently ‘flippant’ remarks such as Then if you know anyone with bipolar disorder, don’t buy it for them. PROBLEM SOLVED.
Ooooops!
Ouch. Talk about shoving their boots right in their mouth. Rethink Mental Illness, a UK based charity, said the store’s remarks were deeply offensive and insensitive. Not many people, especially their customers challenged with mental illness/bipolar, found the store’s remarks humorous. They threatened to boycott the store, coining the word, #joycott.
Bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness. It affects around 1% of the population in Britain. It may look like a small percentage of the population, but the people affected are certainly relevant…and significant!
Sometimes we may be ignorant of our words, insensitive even, or think we are being funny. Yes, #joycott Joy, got a war of words as payment in kind for their words…obnoxious, arrogant, shocking, aggressive, ignorant, cheap mockery, deeply offensive. You see, to someone challenged with mental illness or their loved ones, we may be inadvertently offending or hurting their feelings.
Last month, the world lost Robin Williams to suicide due to depression, another mental disorder. Stephen Fry, Catherine Zeta Jones, (and Mel Gibson admitted once), to name a few world celebrities, have talked openly of their challenges with bipolar disorder.
Yesterday, someone was telling me that a work colleague in a meeting…(pause while I recover)… made a joke that depressed people should just go take a nap and stop bothering everyone else! I wonder if his boss present at the meeting is taking medication for depression or other mental illness!
Words are never cheap as Joy, our high street store, will now tell you from their #joycott experience.
Let us look at 10 things not to say to or about someone who is challenged with mental illness:
#1 You have so much going for you
Rich people feel depressed. Clever people get challenged with bipolar disorder. Wealth, fame, fortune, education has nothing to do with depression. Mental illness is non-discriminatory.
#2 Pull yourself together
No one has chosen to feel this way. It would be a dreadful choice to make otherwise. A person suffering from depression, bulimia, needs help in the same way a person feeling a heart attack.
#3 It could be worse
Elijah, the prophet in the Bible, felt depressed right after dealing with one of the most victorious momentous events in his life. It could not have made sense to feel depressed, running away from one woman after meeting head on with a host of strong enemies who had previously come against him in numbers.
#4 There are many people who would kill to be in your shoes
That is true. But the shoes you are wearing right now are the not so nice ones which is ‘depression’! Guilt is not the presciption for depression or any mental disorder.
#5 It’s all in your heads
Very true. Depression comes as dark thoughts. The battleground is the mind. Thank God the Word declares we have the mind of Christ. In those dark moments, it may not feel so, but the Word cannot lie. As we maintain our focus on the Word, we will win this terrible depression. The Word of God gives us that assurance. The Word divides asunder the soul (which is the mind) – Hebrews 4:12. The Word tells us it can reach the mind.
#6 You are just being lazy
Would you say that to someone who was feeling ill with flu?
#7 As a leader/mother/father, etc, you can’t afford to feel this way
Of course, they can’t afford to feel that way. Of course, they already know the weight of their responsibilities. Why not offer a lending hand instead of coming across as more critical even though that may not have been the intention?
#8 Cheer up/Chin up
A blue day is different from depression. When someone has been feeling ‘blue’ for days, weeks and even months, it is not a question of chinning up!
#9 What will others think?
Loved ones and caregivers can feel the suffocating pressures of life challenges with mental illness. But what is reputation when one is sick? We would not say this if the person said they felt a migraine? No. Our loved one certainly does not want to hear that from us (of all people). The world does not understand them, but they are hoping we do. They know the stigma mental illness causes, but with these words, we are indirectly communicating our feelings are just the same as the ‘others.’
#10 You are not spending enough time in the Word of God
David said early in the morning will I seek you. He meditated on the Word day and night. Yet he wrote, my soul, why are you so downcast? If a Christian is diagnosed with arthritis, surely you don’t say it is because they are not spending time in the Word!
Charles Spurgeon, a renowned preacher in his days, suffered from several bouts of depression. Recently, we have heard from other men of God who have been brave to share and bless us with their experiences. Everyone has different challenges. Let’s not slaughter the ones with challenges of depression or other mental disorders! We can pray instead.
In closing, as Christians, we should learn to forgive even if others have been deeply cutting and offensive. Don’t carry the burden of harsh words in addition to the challenge of mental illness. Just say to yourself, if they knew better, they would not say what they said. And the truth is the majority of people would be sorry for their remarks.
And if we are the ones who have said the wrong things, sincerely apologise and learn. Just don’t get into a #joycott position again.
Have you had a #joycott experience? Someone said something you found offensive or perhaps you put your foot in the mouth? Please share with us and help others.
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