Being Aware
By Tonya King
Have you ever been going along about your regular life and get blindsided by your illness? I have many times. It seems just when I get it all together, my Bipolar disorder comes at me, raging. I am totally taken aback. My illness catches me off guard because I, sometimes, get lax in my vigilant awareness. When I am feeling well, I tend to go into this false belief that I am never going to have to deal with the anxiety, the severe mood swings, or the deep deep depression I suffer. This is what happened a few months ago that resulted in the discontinuation of my blog.
Everything was going well. Life was good, and my moods were calm. I started feeling like, maybe now, I could take on a little bit more responsibilities at home and volunteer for ministries I had been interested in joining at Church. All was well or, so I thought. The responsibilities, which were not overwhelming suddenly became to much. My anxiety came back with a vengeance and just like that, I was in the middle of a mixed episode.
I didn’t realize it at first. My husband mentioned that my speech was very fast and pressured. I was becoming less and less able to fulfill my commitments. I dropped out of Bible study and the Praise team. I began shopping a lot (which is a red flag that mania is upon me), I stopped writing and I stopped praying. As a matter of fact, I stopped talking to or listening to God all together. I began to feel down and revved up at the same time. Not good. So, the trips to the Doctor and a step back from my life to process and adjust began.
I sat and wondered how this happened yet again. I just didn’t see it coming. Why? Because I became complacent about being aware. My illness needs to be tended to like to toddler just waiting to escape his Mommy’s arms to wreak havoc. I cannot let my guard for one minute. I knew I had to be proactive in order to get better. The first thing I did was reconnect to God. He is my hope and my healer, and I knew I could not get better without His help. I needed to repent of actions and attitudes I had allowed to be the driving force in my life. I got down on my knees and I stayed there praying and pouring myself out as an offering to God. I felt better almost immediately.
I learned a great lesson from this episode. No matter how bad things get or how inward I turn, I need to hang on to God so tightly and allow Him to bring healing. I know that I would have been well sooner had I just allowed Him to bring me through. It is a hard lesson to learn and one I will probably be learning my whole life. I firmly believe the Holy Spirit would have shown me what was happening, but I didn’t allow Him.
Self-awareness is critical to staying healthy and complacency is a sure-fire way to undo the wellness we have achieved. But, most importantly, hanging on to God, pressing in instead of turning away is key to getting well and staying well. If you find yourself seeing the warning signs of an episode, get on your knees and pray. Pray, Pray, Pray!! It is the first defense and the last defense. God will make you well. Trust in Him. Take it from me, doing it in your own will not work. Don’t prolong your episode, God is the key.
Tonya King is a Writer, Speaker and Mental Health Coach. She is the founder of Faithful in the Midst ministries which is a ministry devoted to the healing and wholeness of mental illnesses through faith in Jesus Christ.
In 2003, Tonya was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and has been advocating to include faith in Christ as part of treatment and wellness plans. She has been walking with the Lord most of her life but has drawn very close since her diagnosis and truly lives her faith.
Tonya lives in Perry, Ohio, USA with her husband of 31 years, Kevin. She has four children, two girls and two boys. She is available for speaking and coaching engagements.
Read more about Tonya
The views and opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect all or some of our beliefs and policy. Any links on this page does not necessarily mean they have been endorsed by Defying Mental Illness.
About The Author
1 thought on “Being Aware”