Caring for Aging Parents
They took care of us when we were kids. Now the once vibrant and active dad and mum we knew are getting on with age. They call on us constantly. They even moan and whine. Dad has become grumpy and mum has become quite picky and difficult. That however does not deserve them right to be called some old bat!
Thankfully we are living longer. And it is a joy to have our parents around into a good ripe age. How can we ever repay them for the sleepless nights we caused them as babies…and even teenagers…and even adults.
Do we just neglect them and visit them only on special occasions in spite of the demands of hectic lifestyles? How about the stress of dealing with it all?
What can we do to make their lives easier and also ours?
1 Remember they are still your parents
Yes, they may ‘act’ like they are children but that does not give us the right to be disrespectful. It may seem decision making has changed; they may feel they have lost their authority.
However, that is not true. They are still our parents and that does not give us the right to give them orders or even make final decisions on their behalf without their input (especially if their mental capacities are still good). They must still feel they are the ones running their lives and not YOU!
2 Patience, patience and patience
They may not be the ‘same’ as they were when they were younger. We change and they change too. Maybe they are having challenges sleeping or doing their favorite thing. However that does not demand that we become impatient with them.
Fundamentally, they are still the wonderful parents we love and cherish. When patience runs out, try this…employ long-suffering. You are going to have to let some things ride.
Don’t get into shouting matches or arguments. Cherish these times. You always want to have good memories of your parents at every stage of their lives so don’t let anger and all sorts come into the game
3 Forget the past
Maybe they did something to you in 1976 that you still remember to this day. They have tried to make up several times, tried to apologise. You have kept that little resentment bottled up all these 39 years.
Why?
And now is not the time to tell them what you were hearing, how the words stung, how could they have done this and that? No one can go back into the past and correct things. If they could, they would. Now is not the time to seek revenge.
Just concentrate on making their golden years golden and forget the rust and rot of the past
4 Get your other siblings involved or enlist help
It can all get a bit much when they are ringing on the hour every hour. Or they seem to be struggling with something but not asking for help.
But your life is already packed and just one more feather, it seems like you will crack under the load.
Ask your sibling to help! Your parents are also their parents! Everyone has to pull their weight. Ask politely, ask, demand. It is not fair otherwise. I know of a friend who has taken on the full weight of looking after his 80 something parents while his siblings are busy jet-setting the world.
Sometimes, granted there is not much you can do…you have prayed, spoken till you are purple in the face, yet it seems like all you are doing is blowing hot air. Why not enlist some community help or church family, or ask an extended family member, or even a neighbour?
I often say people don’t know how kind people still really are in the world or feel to embarrass to ask for help. Put aside embarrassment and learn to ask
5 Know what medical help they need
Know what their physical needs are. Sometimes you may need to accompany them to the doctors or help pick up prescriptions. Get to know how they are physically, emotionally and mentally.
That way you can help put plans in place. Even simple things as getting aids, or laying the house differently to deal with any age issues. Don’t stay ignorant of your parent’s needs. Remember they took us to the dentist, doctor, nurse and knew all about our medical needs
It is time to do the same for them too!
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