What would you have done in my shoes?

A friend of mine who had arranged the blind date told me that there were issues that he had to tell me.  It was imperative that he told me at some point, she said. 

Sounded like if he did not tell me she would. 

She had however painted an otherwise wonderful profile of my would be date.  I was excited, inquisitive but guarded. 

I heard the door knock.  I hurriedly counted up to 60 so it did not seem like I had been standing right by the door which I had.  Two nervous dates were soon sizing each other up for the first time like school kids.  Date looked decent, polite and was well spoken and mannered.    I liked the latter; he could meet the parents!  I sat in his car.   

People usually build profiles about a man and his car.   Well in this case, I was not overtly impressed.  The brother could have cleaned his car for his would be queen  at least!  I disguised my un-impression with smiles.  I was level headed so decided to overlook an obvious dating rule oversight.

We were soon biting our food and getting to know each other.  Chuck seemed to punctuate every other sentence with ‘I used to’.  Why was he living in a past glorious life? 

Chuck had kind big eyes and they seemed to have a story to tell…

I did not know at that point what that story was.  Apart from speaking briefly of a period when his mother looked after him while he was ill or something of that nature, I was clueless.   I did not read too much into mama coming to stay and look after him though,  It sounded like an illness that spanned several months.  I hoped his health, physical health was mended…  

We had a nice evening.  I told my friends.  Everyone’s hat had since ancient of times been ready.  Everyone’s fingers and toes were all crossed.   Chuck and I saw each other a couple of times more.  Then on the third date,  the story unraveled.

I swallowed hard.  Why did things like these happen to moi? 

I took a close eye scan of Chuck .  He looked and sounded normal, right?  Okay he twiddled his thumb quite a bit,  held his head in a slight slant when walking, his demeanor could be more lively, but I had assumed it was because he lacked a bit of confidence.

 Why me? 

 Was it at this point you start looking for excuses? 

 Was this the point in the script where you leave the stage exit door left?

 Was it at this point you stutter, “You are a nice guy but I think we should be friends for now and see what happens”? 

 …And hope he gets the hint from any or all of the above?

 I wondered how many times he may have heard those excuses or responses after dropping the penny? 

I rang mum.  Mothers knew best. 

I was very conscious of being of a very marriageable age, however that did not mean that I was desperate!  Mum and I had been literally praying I would soon meet Mr. Right.  After a string of Mr. Wrongs and a couple of torn, broken and shattered hearts, my new heart was fragile and did not need yet another transplant.

“Mum,  Chuck!  He is a nice guy but he has mental illness!”   I could not resist getting straight to the point.

 What would you say to your daughter?  What would you say to your friend or sister?  What would you say to someone about dating someone with mental illness?   What would you have done?

 What did my mother say?     Find out next time…

Get the book, Defying the Odds, by Zoe A. Onah as she chronicles the journey of defying the odds with mental illness of her husband Chuck, and that of her role as a caregiver.  Available on Amazon.  Google Zoe A. Onah now!

About The Author

Zoe

Zoe met Eze (Chuck) in the 14th year of what turned out to be an 18 year ‘journey’ with mental illness. They got married less than a year of meeting with Zoe fully knowing Chuck had a diagnosis of mental illness. In the 18th year, Chuck defied the odds of mental illness. A consultant psychiatrist signed him off the mental health system with a bill of NO MENTAL ILLNESS. The consultant was so amazed by Chuck’s astonishing recovery that he even questioned how Chuck was diagnosed with mental illness all those years before, in the first place! Today Chuck is free from medication, its dependency and hospitalizations. Zoe’s award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS, chronicles the highs and ‘lows’ of this journey. Zoe, often writing from the standpoint of a caregiver, clearly understands that mental illness does not only affect an individual challenged with the disease, but also families, marriages and society as a whole.

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