Dating While Challenged with Mental Illness – 2

A while back we looked at dating while challenged with mental illness.   Lets continue our discussion on this all too important subject.  

Even with mental illness, happy courtships/dating are still a reality and a possibility.  There is no off limits to dating and courting just because you are challenged with mental illness.  

So, lets see something we need to perhaps consider:

#1 There is a time for everything

There is a time for everything under the sun including dating.   Can you handle dating right now? Be honest with yourself.   If you are very ill, then you need to be at a place where you your relationship/future marriage is not based or centered entirely on the disease.   If so, then in a marriage, your spouse would quickly become a caregiver that just happens to share the bed as you!

If they are happy with that, then that is great.   But if not, you need to seek help in dealing with the disease and/or get the disease under control.  

You don’t want the other party to feel they are dating the disease and not dating you.  Neither would you too enjoy the courtship if that was so.   If you are not stable and also not seeking help/treatment, then it would be a bit unfair to the other party too.   And there is moderate to high likelihood in such cases for it all to end in tears.   Don’t sweep it under the proverbial carpet.

#2  What do you want out of a potential marriage?

Christian courtships and dating have an ultimate purpose which is possibility of marriage.  Every marriage has a purpose.   It is not just about falling in love and going up the aisle.   When both parties know their purpose in coming together, it is easier to weather the storms that show up in every marriage.  

What do you want out of a prospective marriage?   Now that you are dating, you need to ask yourself and each other this vital question.  If you are not honest with yourself, your motives could be selfish which just spells danger ahead.   This is why you must be positive about yourself always.

#3  Get pre-marriage counselling

By the time you get to this point, both parties have agreed that marriage is definitely in the limelight.   Congratulations.

But don’t go sprinting up the aisle without first getting pre-marriage counselling.   Even if your church does not formally offer this, request one!   Again, this is not an advice just for people faced with mental issues but every couple seeking marriage.

You need to understand the purpose of marriage.   Both parties also need to work together with your counsellor on issues that potentially arise as a result of mental illness in the marriage. These could include sexual, financial, career, health issues, children, to name a few.   This is a time of absolute honesty.   Don’t compromise on this step.

Are/were you in a relationship with someone challenged with mental illness?  Or are you challenged yourself and dating?  Please share some tips with us

About The Author

Zoe

Zoe met Eze (Chuck) in the 14th year of what turned out to be an 18 year ‘journey’ with mental illness. They got married less than a year of meeting with Zoe fully knowing Chuck had a diagnosis of mental illness. In the 18th year, Chuck defied the odds of mental illness. A consultant psychiatrist signed him off the mental health system with a bill of NO MENTAL ILLNESS. The consultant was so amazed by Chuck’s astonishing recovery that he even questioned how Chuck was diagnosed with mental illness all those years before, in the first place! Today Chuck is free from medication, its dependency and hospitalizations. Zoe’s award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS, chronicles the highs and ‘lows’ of this journey. Zoe, often writing from the standpoint of a caregiver, clearly understands that mental illness does not only affect an individual challenged with the disease, but also families, marriages and society as a whole.

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