Would you date someone with mental illness?
Well, what would you have done in my shoes? Would you date someone with mental illness?
Mum had already liked Chuck just from the few things I had told her from the first two dates.
The voice on the other end of the phone was even and unperturbed; my ‘glass never half empty, never half full but runneth over’ mum was clearly unmoveable.
I don’t see why that should be an issue. Does mental illness make him out of bounds? 
I know I am compassionate by nature but love, dating and marriage had nothing to do with compassion.
Could I date a man challenged with mental illness? Could I even love a man who had challenges with mental illness? There was only one way to find out. That was to continue dating him.
After all, I had been growing my faith muscles in recent months. What was the point of growing muscles to only pick up feathers? You needed muscles for heavy duty work!
This dating would be of a slightly different kind. Just a little more spicy than the usual dating. Anyway, there was always a get out clause. If things became too hot to handle I could quit.
Well things did got scorching hot to handle indeed. When, of all times? After we had got engaged!
When we had announced to the world that I was finally getting married. When the paparazzis were adjusting their lenses in preparation. When the aunties had dusted their hats and were preparing for the big day.
I would run away. Change my name. Go to some far fetched country that no one would dream of and start life again.
No, but mum…mum…mum! Mothers! I had to tell her. My conscience would not allow me otherwise. And she had to tell me to just hold on, my daughter!
If this man was your son, would you abandon him, stop dating him, just because he has a challenge with mental illness? Just because he has a challenge with mental illness does he not deserve love and marriage? The one who does not have mental illness, do you know what challenges he has that may even be real hell for you?
Then you marry him, mum! Of course, my mother could not marry Chuck. Anyway Chuck was not my son so I could not look at things from a motherly perspective. That was an unfair argument.
Biting back tears, I decided to hold on. I loved Chuck, mental illness and all.
People say I am tenacious but tenacity is not a choice when dating or making an important decision, is it?
Mum looked like she was giving up her only daughter to the gallows.
I got up the aisle. I married the man with the big kind eyes.
I married Chuck. Yes, I had dated a man challenged with mental illness. I had come out unscathed.
Had I really?
Get the book, Defying the Odds, by Zoe A. Onah as she chronicles the fight of faith with mental illness of her husband Chuck, and that of her role as a caregiver. Available on Amazon. Google Zoe A. Onah now!
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I am absolutely loving this post. Very intrigued to know what happens x
Thanks Jenny!
I believe in destiny. The people we meet are meant to be part of the puzzle. So even though God gives us the choice, He still the Master. True love can be hidden and it only takes patience, endurance,pain and courage to discover it. The raw gold comes from the ground dirty and ugly. It goes through fire and beating to bring out its beauty. So it is a process. There is nothing wrong to marry someone with Mental Issues. The man was not born with the problem. It came after and must go but it will need someone with compassion to help and bring the best.
Mental illness is the lack of something that can be found through love and compassion.
Like what you said: “There is nothing wrong to marry someone with Mental Issues. The man was not born with the problem. It came after and must go but it will need someone with compassion to help and bring the best”.
In an atmosphere of love miracles are possible!
“What was the point of growing muscles to only pick up feathers? You needed muscles for heavy duty work!” Andrea Zoe Onah those words are so powerful and emphasise the compassion and true spirit of LOVE. The essence of what it takes to just truly love somebody. To love every part of somebody, (even parts which the person themselves once felt were unlovable parts, parts which others might have ridiculed) that takes special muscles in the heart and spirit. I loved reading this- so inspiring!
Thanks Nasilele. Indeed love is the highest law. It is greater than faith and hope. Indeed, faith takes special muscles in the heart and spirit. Thanks for your comment!
When I was growing up, I met a cousin for the first time and I was frightened about his skin condition. It was like a snake skin that peels all the time. It was like scales. You can even see them like powder on the floor. He just arrived to Africa from France with his beautiful wife. She cared for him up till now. They are still in love despite his condition. They have 3 lovely Children and 2 grandchildren.
She told me that she loved him from the very first day they met and married. The condition came after and why would she leave him. True love strengthens relationship. Love is true and special no matter what.
They are still fond of themselves and very happy
I think if you truly love him or her, you will stay in the marriage. It is the heart that matters and not the body.
True Anne, love never fails. That is true love!
Dating or marrying someone with a mental health condition is not a problem as long as you love sincerely the person. Some other people love with condition in their heart. Those ones will run away from the relationship. Love must be unconditional.
Only true live is unconditional