Enjoying Life Without Anger and Bitterness
by Monika Beata Francisco-Ribeiro
Bitterness and anger steal peace in relationships and keep many from enjoying their lives. Yes, there is such a thing as enjoying life without anger and bitterness. The natural “wisdom” says, “strike back when offended!” The same one teaches to keep recalling the offence and to stay bitter against the offender. Yet, there is another type of wisdom, which says that if you do the above you are actually hurting yourself. Anger and bitterness, even if hidden deep in your heart, will continually poison your soul. Life happens. People disappoint us. Sometimes it looks like everything is stubbornly going in the wrong direction. Still, it is unwise to “let the sun go down…”
Sometimes disappointments come due to our false visions of how a particular person should react in a particular situation. One cannot get disappointed without having an expectation of a specific outcome.
I used to draw strength, self-worth, and sense of fulfillment from other people’s approval and was very often disappointed and angry (with them or myself) when it was not there. Even when we receive applause from people we should never see people as our Source. For one to remain emotionally healthy – the Source has to be what the Source is, has been and will be – the Most High. Being dependent on the approval of other people creates instability in life.
Everyone is a product of their environment. Environments include people met, books and magazines read and generally every influence on the mind of a person. Try to understand where they are coming from. They may have hurt you because they were hurting. They may not have been blessed with the knowledge that you have. You may find yourself to be the very person who shows them how to live if you can only choose to forget about your feelings of hurt for a moment. Your kindness towards the person who is not so kind towards you may ultimately help to change their ways. Forgiveness may sometimes be a process, but it is always a choice…
Forgiving those who don’t deserve our forgiveness is the best thing that we can do for ourselves…No matter what anyone does to you, the only person who is truly able to keep you from enjoying your life is yourself and nobody else… The wrong type of anger blinds the mind. It destroys its positively creative power without which everyone is on the mercy of circumstances. If someone hurt you – let it go, for your own good…
At times, I was convinced that I have let go only to find myself occasionally “hating” against the person in conversations, or within my mind. One may think that negative thoughts about others are not important as long as we do not voice them out. The truth is – they destroy our peace of mind and eventually, if the right opportunity arises, these thoughts will become words – loud and ugly…
Of course, there are times when wrong behaviors should be confronted, but even then there is the right way to do it. Prayer and patience are main keys to keeping cool regardless of the heat of the situation. Timing is crucial. When bitterness and anger are raging within our hearts it is better to stay quiet and to wait. The tone of our speech is important too.
Once I blew the light supply in the whole house by pressing the light switch in the kitchen with too much force. My intention was to switch on the light, but instead there was total darkness. The same thing happens when the tone of our voice, or the way we construct our message is too forceful. What we say may be true, but still cause the receiver’s mind to be completely unresponsive. They may even become more rooted in their wrong way of thinking as we continue to confront them with the right thing, but in the wrong way. Moreover, just like too much sun light causes skin burn, too much talking or emphasizing may weaken the strength of a message…
So many of the things we get frustrated about are not even worth dwelling on. How we perceive events depends on the point of view and the state of our mind. Someone may be looking at a face and see beauty, while another looking at the same face sees ugliness. That proves that we see things with our minds and not just with our eyes.
In the past, I used to break people in pieces with sharp, fast and malicious words. It feels weird to admit this, but I enjoyed being “intelligently” and creatively mean. I was gifted, and skilled (due to regular practice) at it.
Eventually though, I became broken and depressed, hence my previous exposé on Dealing with Depression. I experienced what it means to be a believer in Christ, re-born, a god under the providence of the Highest. I know that my mind (if washed daily in biblical verses) has the ability to fly. I know that, under no circumstances, I have the right to remain limited by the barriers of men.
Lack of forgiveness is one of those barriers that are never to be allowed in our minds. Staying out of anger and bitterness is absolutely necessary if we are determined to enjoy our lives.
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