Fascinating Facts why we do not like Asking for Help

Many people see asking for help as a sign of weakness, dependency, being inferior or helpless.  Yet asking for help is a sign of bravery.  And when it comes to your mental health, it is one of the greatest things you could do for yourself.

So what are the real reasons why we do not like asking for help?

1  Asking makes us feel incapable

When we ask for help, it shows others that there is something that maybe we do not know or are ignorant about. But think about this.

If I don’t know how to unblock a sink, I would call a plumber.  I would not just sit there, having done all I know, and do nothing.  I would not make do with a blocked sink!    I do not know how to unblock a sink but it does not make me incapable.  Because there are lots of other things I am capable of… including blogging on this site.

2 Asking makes us feel we are stupid

When I was at university, I had no qualms about asking a fellow student to explain something I did not understand.  I was a lady on a mission.  I knew what I wanted to achieve at the end of the day, so I was neither intimidated by looks of ‘how come you don’t understand something as simple as this!’ or ‘I am too busy to explain to you’. 

If I knew someone was really good at something, I would not allow verbal or non-verbal communication of MY PERCEPTION of how they were responding, to affect me. 

My take was I’d rather suffer the indignation, if that, of your looks, than a failed degree!

3 Asking makes us feel we are being a burden

Some people who offer hep genuinely want to give help. They are only too happy to do so.  And if we were being a burden, most people would still help.  So why waste time and money trying to do something that someone else can do, even if we are being a burden!

4  Asking makes us feel inferior

The plumber is not superior to me because he can fix my sink and I cannot. Even if he could do 10 things better than me, it does not make him superior to me.  If we feel this way, we must work on our self-esteem.  Or work on how we view others too!  Perhaps we ourselves feel superior to others when we render help.

5  Asking makes us feel eternally grateful

We often think that if someone helps us, then it means that we are indebted to that person. It means we are always trying to pay back this insurmountable debt.

6  We feel we have asked ‘too much’ from a particular person(s)

It may seem we are always asking a particular person for help. We can feel this way the same as when we are feeling like a burden.  There are people who minimize the content of their prayers even with God on this score.  They have prayed about their health, their children, their job, and now do not want to pray about their marriage.  They feel that God is overloaded with their prayers.

7 Asking makes others know more about us/our challenges

Many of us feel vulnerable when we ask for help. To ask for help means we need to tell them or even expose something about us or about an area of our life we would rather have kept secret.  Self-preservation hinders us often from asking for help.

8  We are worried what people may think

Sometimes we are worried more about what people think. This could come especially after we have confided in something that we would not have chosen to have shared as we discussed about.  Also it could come from being a people pleaser or seeking approval or acceptance from others.  We want others to feel we are a certain way or have a picture of us.  Asking for help runs the risk of distorting that image.

9  Sometimes we are not trusting of others or their intentions

Sometimes when someone wants to help us, we are not trusting of others. We question their ulterior motive.  Or maybe do not think they can really us.

10  We do not want to be turned down or rejected

To have that two letter word N-O echoed back to us when we have dared to ask for help, can be a big deterrent why we do not ask for help in the first place.

11  Have real issues with receiving

Many people like to help. Many people like to be the one to render help.  Many people like to give.  Many people like to be the ones to give.  But many have issues receiving.  The Bible says it is more blessed to give than receive.  So giving and rendering help is noble. 

And my faith in humanity is high because the truth is there are lots of people in our world who do like giving.  But those same people have to learn to receive too!  Not receiving help can unwittingly be perceived as pride to others.

12  We like to be in control

I once knew someone who would rather do everything himself than ask for help. His excuse was that he did not have the time to show or explain what was needed so it was quicker to do the tasks himself.  Of course, he got over-burdened, highly strung and stressed! 

Sometimes we do not like to ask for help because we think it would not be done as excellent as we would like.  Sometimes, we just put incredible pressure on ourselves to be independent.

Is there any reason you do not like asking for help?  Please share in comments below.

About The Author

Zoe

Zoe met Eze (Chuck) in the 14th year of what turned out to be an 18 year ‘journey’ with mental illness. They got married less than a year of meeting with Zoe fully knowing Chuck had a diagnosis of mental illness. In the 18th year, Chuck defied the odds of mental illness. A consultant psychiatrist signed him off the mental health system with a bill of NO MENTAL ILLNESS. The consultant was so amazed by Chuck’s astonishing recovery that he even questioned how Chuck was diagnosed with mental illness all those years before, in the first place! Today Chuck is free from medication, its dependency and hospitalizations. Zoe’s award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS, chronicles the highs and ‘lows’ of this journey. Zoe, often writing from the standpoint of a caregiver, clearly understands that mental illness does not only affect an individual challenged with the disease, but also families, marriages and society as a whole.

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