Finding Strength in Darkness
by Lauren Himes
Appearance vs. Reality
Life isn’t just the pictures we see on Facebook, and the happy faces we put on in our daily lives.
All we see are the smiling faces and all the fun things everyone is doing and the cool places we’re going. That’s all we want to show the world.
We only want to show each other the best parts of ourselves and the good parts of our lives.
We envy others because of the pictures we see or because of the things people have.
Because of this, we formulate ideas in our head of what life is supposed to look like. But that’s not what life really is. It’s not just the good stuff, the perfectly captured moments, and the beautiful places. Life is a series of good and bad.
No matter how much we try to run and hide from them, those hard parts will always be there. They are all a part of our journey.
Two sides to every story
I’m a pretty positive person and at this moment I can genuinely say that I love life. I’ve had some of the most amazing experiences and life continues to amaze me and surprise me more and more through each and every experience.
I like to find happiness in the little things and I truly feel every experience deeply and fully. Love, joy, laughter, hope, and wonder – I feel all of it so very deeply.
But with everything truly amazing, there’s always another side. Life is made up of that series of ups and downs. A series of falling apart and pulling yourself back together again. A series of getting lost and finding yourself.
Some people seem to have it all figured out. They have a set plan for their life and somehow it all seems to fall into place that way.
Personally, I never was that kind of person. Part of me wishes that I could be like that, but I know that just wouldn’t be me. I’m probably never going to have it all figured out.
Maybe I’m always going to be searching but I’m okay with that. I’ll always be questioning and exploring the possibilities of life.
The Parts We Try to Hide
I’ve been dealing with some personal struggles lately. Dealing with anxiety and depression over the past few months has been really difficult for me.
It’s something that I’ve dealt with for a long time but it’s not something I generally talk about because it’s not something that’s easy to talk about, and no one really wants to hear about it. We all just want to pretend we’re okay and tend to avoid those topics because it’s easier.
Most of the time, I feel like my pain isn’t important enough or valid enough. And I think that people have it worse than me or they are struggling more than me, so I don’t deserve to feel that pain.
I feel guilty for cancelling those plans with friends simply because I don’t have the mental energy to pretend I’m okay. I don’t want to bring people down. No one wants that negativity. It’s not pretty or exciting or fun or easy. It’s not easy to talk about. But those struggles and difficulties are there and they are very real – and I know I’m not alone in them.
Despite how terrible it feels when I’m in those dark places, I truly appreciate them. They are what helps me grow stronger and learn.
They are what help me fully appreciate the beautiful parts of life. I wouldn’t give up that pain and that darkness because it’s a part of me and it’s what allows me to feel deeply.
Going through the hard stuff, the stuff that no one wants to talk about, the stuff that makes us want to run away and escape – that’s where we find our strength.
No matter how bad it feels, it does get better. The difficulties remind us that it’s okay to feel pain and that it’s okay to stop and take care of ourselves.
It’s hard to keep up with life sometimes when you feel like you can’t even stop to take a breath.
Everything feels like it’s falling apart but you have to keep finding the strength to hold it together for another day. You have to keep moving forward and all you need is just a moment to stop and think.
Listen to Your Needs
Only you know yourself and what you need. We’re all different, and we all have our own minds and bodies and ways of functioning and thinking and that’s what makes us beautiful.
We all compare ourselves to others, and want what we don’t have. But let’s realize what we do have and what makes us unique.
Let’s take the time to listen to ourselves when we need to, and stop trying to push ourselves when we aren’t feeling it.
Let’s stop feeling guilty for saying no to plans simply because we just don’t have the mental energy for it or because we want to be alone. We’re allowed to take time to be alone with ourselves. We’re allowed to feel sad sometimes. That’s part of being human.
Let’s stop trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or ideals on what our life should look like.
It’s not a race. We are all on our own journeys. There’s no exact formula or logical explanation for how our lives work. Things usually don’t go as planned, and the ideas in our heads usually don’t turn out as expected. That’s the beautiful uncertainty of life.
Recognize Your Validity
We need to remember our own worth and our own validity. We are important enough. Our thoughts and feelings and opinions do matter.
Our pain is valid. We deserve to be heard and listened to and understood. We deserve the time to take care of ourselves because life is not easy, and we are all struggling.
Take Care of Yourself First
The most important thing I’ve learned from my struggles is how important self-love and self-care is.
When I’ve found myself in that dark place, I know that I didn’t have the capability to fully and truly love and care for others deeply because I didn’t even feel that for myself.
I felt guilty for cancelling plans so that I could stay in bed but at that moment, that was what I needed. I didn’t have the energy to be with others when I barely knew how to be with myself. I know how much our perspectives and our mental health affects us because I’ve seen that in myself.
I know from my experience and the things I’ve felt when I was in those lows. I’ve realized that if we don’t love ourselves or take the time we need to care for ourselves, we can’t truly do that for others.
Whatever it may be for you, please remember to listen to yourself and your needs amidst all of the chaos of life. Take the time you need to remind yourself of who you are.
Remember your value. Remind yourself that you are alive and of all the beauty that you bring to this world and how you can share that with others.
There’s always going to be the hard stuff. There’s always going to be painful things. Life doesn’t get easier, we just get stronger. With every struggle, we learn and grow.
Keep learning things. Keep growing.
If we can all take care of ourselves and learn to love ourselves truly, we can really take care of each other.
Author Bio
My name is Lauren! I am a freelance writer who specializes in topics related to mental health, personal development, and mindfulness. From my own experience and seeing those around me struggling with mental health, I see how important it is to take care of ourselves and I hope to reduce the overall stigma of mental health. I have been practicing meditation for about 5 years now and regularly practice mindfulness and always enjoy learning about psychology and spirituality.
The views and opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect all or some of our beliefs and policy. Any links on this page does not necessarily mean they have been endorsed by Defying Mental Illness.
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