Forgiving your Friend

A friend. She (or maybe he) has always been there for you. They have now done the unthinkable. Not only did they stab you, but they even twisted the knife.
The pain is corrosive. The hurt is unimaginable. Your injured dignity has run out of bandages.
After several years of good happy friendship, it all has to end like this. The bitter gall of unforgiveness has left more than a foul taste on your mouth.
Before you wrap up the friendship for good, take a look at some of these points:

1 How bad is it?

When you have calmed down, and looked at the situation with the light of day, and considered all the circumstances, and knowing your friend’s intentions towards you, and knowing their personality and so many other factors, how really really bad is it?
Have you considered making excuses for them? Example, your friend is going through a rough time himself (or herself 🙂 ) and is acting ‘weird’ because they are probably feeling the weight of their issues.
Try a little empathy. Put yourself in their shoes.
Hence the selfishness. Hence the jealousy towards you. Hence the withering criticisms.

2 They may be totally unaware

Have you considered that they may not even know that they have wounded you? Have you had dialogue with them? I did not say exchange of words!
Have you sat down as rational friends that you are (or were) and given them an opportunity to redeem themselves?
Everyone including a friend who has been there for you in the past deserves a chance. There is nothing worse than your friend feeling you are avoiding them or you are giving them curt responses, and they are left wondering what has happened to YOU!

3 Remember when they forgave YOU

Yes mighty one, there was a time, when you hurt them too…or have you forgotten?
I remember a friend seemed to make a mountain out of what I had considered a molehill. A joke that did not go too well was taken to the nth degree.
However what he failed to realise was that I had extended a hand of forgiveness to him at a time when he had been so mean to me. And I had not made a big deal out of it.
I tried apologising several times for my misdeed, but to no avail. In the end I was made to feel like some villain. I had not been so horrible to them when they tried to apologise.
Let us remember that the same way others hurt us, is the same way (or even worse), we can hurt others too. Don’t be too high and mighty when it is your turn…Accept an apology when given.

4 Remember forgiveness does not mean you are weak

Forgiving your friend does not mean you are weak. It does not mean you giving the license for your friend to repeat their ‘wicked act’ either.
Even when it hurts, be quick to forgive because in the long run you are helping yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. Harbouring bitterness makes one ill and is just not worth it.
Remember that people make mistakes…this one may just be one of them. Forgiveness does not mean it excuses their behaviour.

Also, if you are man, forgiveness does make you any less of a man nor does it make you weak!

5 Recover from the shock

You could genuinely be in shock over what has happened. You have gone through all the points above but you just can’t get over it.
Give it time. To you they do not appear even sorry or remorseful. Give it some time and re-evaluate.
As a Christian, I pray when I feel like I am struggling to let go of anger and hurt. I know that I want to move on and not be hostile.

But I try to be honest to know that I may have a challenge doing so…Times like this I pray for the person…not God,forgive their wickedness and may no harm come on them..Have mercy on them 🙂 .

No, not any such worthless prayer like that because God is always merciful. But more of a prayer of blessing. Because it is only when I see them progressing still in spite of this ‘apparent wickedness’, do I know that life will still go on!

6 Avoid resentment

This follows from above. Genuinely forgive them. Trying to forgive will not work. You got to forgive with your whole heart.

Yes, there may be a pattern. Yes this is the final straw. But in all, forgive wholeheartedly especially if the friendship can be savaged.
Else what will happen is that there will be hidden resentment that will only surface from the archives the next time they do even the tiniest thing.

7 It may the end of a season

There are different friendships. There are some that come into our lives for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime.
Perhaps this friendship has run its course.
HOWEVER, HOWEVER, HOWEVER, that does not mean the friendship has to end with bad memories. I remember when one friendship I was in had outrun it’s course. I knew this person did not fit into my future and had different views and expectations.
Although my friend was very mad at me over something which they had a point but had not considered several other things, I was very hurt.

However, I made my peace and remained friendly but not friends. However, the bond of friendship had ended.
I still sent birthday and Christmas greetings and so on. I had sweet memories of how supportive and wonderful the person was…but I knew that because of where I was going with my visions in life and destiny, the friendship was not suited.
Don’t however make a lifetime friend a seasonal friend all of a sudden. You KNOW those that have come to stay just for a short while!!
Lastly, when you forgive you heal. Learn to let go. Bitterness and unforgiveness are congestants to your health and happiness.

Set yourself free today.

About The Author

Zoe

Zoe met Eze (Chuck) in the 14th year of what turned out to be an 18 year ‘journey’ with mental illness. They got married less than a year of meeting with Zoe fully knowing Chuck had a diagnosis of mental illness. In the 18th year, Chuck defied the odds of mental illness. A consultant psychiatrist signed him off the mental health system with a bill of NO MENTAL ILLNESS. The consultant was so amazed by Chuck’s astonishing recovery that he even questioned how Chuck was diagnosed with mental illness all those years before, in the first place! Today Chuck is free from medication, its dependency and hospitalizations. Zoe’s award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS, chronicles the highs and ‘lows’ of this journey. Zoe, often writing from the standpoint of a caregiver, clearly understands that mental illness does not only affect an individual challenged with the disease, but also families, marriages and society as a whole.

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