How to Stop Being a Bully
In a previous post, I wrote about someone I knew from childhood called Flora who used to ‘terrorise’ me in school. Our little friend Flora was my own example of experiencing bullying.
In later years, I realised that Flora was a troubled child. I had simply been her target to let out her inner frustrations, albeit it was a negative experience.
I am sure in the heart of most bullies is a desire to stop. It takes courage to recognise you are a bully; if you are reading this post and you think you may be one, well done. You are making an important step.
Here are a 6 tips on how to stop being a bully:
##1 Are you unhappy in general?
A lot of times bullies are unhappy people themselves. There may be something that is troubling them.
In the case of Flora, her parent’s marriage were on the rocks. Flora saw in me something she herself desired. The security of a stable home. Result: Flora lashed out at me.
Interpretation of Flora’s behaviour: “Life is not fair. You have something I want and you are happy so I will make you unhappy!”
Now, I am no psychologist, by the way, however, I am sure I am not far from the truth! So you need to work on your ‘happiness factor’ and/or stop making others accountable for not being happy.
##2 Do you have a low self esteem?
A low self esteem can make you attention seeking. However, becoming a bully is not going to raise your self esteem…at least permanently.
##3 Are you in a wrong group?
Bullies like allies. Because deep down inside bullies are often cowards and need a group of people to make them feel supported. Sometimes, people become bullies because they are looking to be validated by their peers or don’t want to be left out. Or because their friends are also singing the ‘bullies anthem’. If you know you are being controlled or influenced by friends, they you need to get out of that group.
##4 Are you being bullied yourself?
Sometimes people who bully are themselves being bullied. Becoming a bully because you are bullied, just replicates the chain. If you make up your mind to stop bullying irrespective of the bullying directed towards you, that is one less bully in the world. Break the chain, and then seek help on how to deal with the bullying towards you.
##5 Seek a support group
Talk to a support group, a trusted friend, counsellor, or your pastor. Someone that can help you without making you feel condemned or judged for your actions. Especially, Christians, should not make others feel condemned because condemnation never brings anyone out of anything. So if you are in a position of trust or authority helping a bully, compassionately help them through. Be firm, be fair, take your stand against bullying, but never condemn!
##6 Change your habit or start a hobby
If you were to Google about bullying most of what you will find initially is directed towards child bullying. Bullies can be of any age, and if you are reading this, I am assuming you are an adult, although a lot of what is said here can apply to children. Bullying can be as a result of a lifelong habit. It could have started as a child. To stop a bad habit or behaviour, it is often said that one way of achieving this is by replacing that habit with a good one. Practise a good habit. Practise not being a bully. Do the opposite of what you used to do. Treat everyone with respect. Speak right and kind words.
In the Bible, in the New Testament, was a man called Paul, formerly called Saul. He terrorised and even killed Christians before his conversion. He even called himself the worst of all sinners at one point! But once he converted, he became a new man. He became the number one preacher of his time, helping others. He was so intent on his new calling that his past was buried in the past, never was he tempted again by his old wicked habits.
You must actively decide to stop bullying. This post by no means condones bullying. You must make a decision to stop bullying today before it gets too late or messy!
Remember, depending on the degree or level of bullying, bullying can be criminal, especially if it involves a child. If you have been guilty of this, you are advised to talk to someone in authority as soon as possible. Do the right thing. It is better to turn yourself in, than live a life always looking over your shoulders. It is one way of giving yourself a second chance.
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