Mental illness Diagnosis: The Impact
Being a black man diagnosed with mental illness had a major impact on my life and those close to me. Initially, the impact of mental illness was devastating. I come from a culture where being male and the eldest of siblings meant a lot of responsibility. My social life was affected.
At the time I looked upon my condition as any other illness from which I would soon recover.
The first doctor that provided a certificate enabling me to return to work stated as the reason for being off work as “nervous disability”. I was later to have a diagnosis of “psychotic depression” which by quirk of memory I always told people close to me when asked about it as “hypnotic depression”. Zoe was later to tell me that there was no such term- being the excellent researcher that she is.
My mum fought for me to be taken off the anti-psychotic medication I had been placed on while in hospital. As a nurse she knew the highly addictive nature of the medication. She finally succeeded in getting me placed on Sexorat.
For many years I was to be placed on anti-depressants. This remained the case when on mental ward admission as a voluntary patient. However, at about my last admission, I was once again placed on anti-psychotic medication. I did not realize that was what was done at the time. I was to stay on it for 8 years, always asking for when it was no longer needed.
Anti-psychotic medication in my experience, makes the patient feel better and confident enough to want to stop taking medication. However, the medication is not a cure but provides a mechanism for managing the illness. The addictive nature of the medication makes the body dependent on it for proper functioning.
When you function normally on medication after a lengthy period of time, it is very difficult to believe that you are not well enough to no longer need the medication. Most people therefore attempt to come off medication.
I was not to last longer than 6 months off medication before a crisis occurred. When I did successfully come off the medication it was by phased reduction from the prescribed dose to the minimum available over more than 9 months.
Fortunately, stigma was not an issue I was particularly conscious of. I was only to recognize that it was present after I had been discharged from the mental health system. In some ways that helped my internal processes of striving to be the best I could be.
Being diagnosed with mental illness affected my relationships. I found it difficult getting into relationships. Maybe there is fear about mentally ill people being unpredictable and potentially violent. I also think there are often concerns about being associated with someone mentally ill. For a lot of people that may equate with having to care for them.
At the end of my journey in the mental health system, I was to discover a diagnosis of schizophrenia on my record. By this time I had changed residences and was already married. The shock effect on my wife and I was something to behold. I am very fortunate to be still married and in perfect health today.
I have been in perfect health without medication for more than 7 years now. Over that space of time, I found myself continuously unemployed for four years.
To my mind there are two distinct mindsets one can have when challenged with mental illness:
##1 Acceptance as a disability and living with it
I was unaware at the time that mental illness was classed as a disability. As a result, I did not see myself as someone with a disability. I also did not have a “benefits” mentality and did not seek to use my condition at the time to justify any favors.
I am not by any means telling affected people not to take up whatever help is available to them. I am only stating the circumstances at the time.
##2 Seeking to beat the condition permanently
I always felt that illness can only be a temporary thing in life. I therefore was always looking for ways to get well and remain well.
In both cases, acceptance that mental illness has occurred is essential for progress. Major problems arise when someone challenged with mental illness lives in denial.
For more about my story visit amazon for a preview or purchase of “Defying the Odds: one man’s fight and victory against mental illness and His wife whose faith in God never failed”
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