Interview with Author and Mental Health Advocate Stewart Bint – 1
Defying Mental Illness (DMI) recently had the uttermost pleasure of interviewing Stewart Bint (SB). Stewart wears many hats. An ardent fan of Doctor Who, Stewart is also a writer, has a fast growing Twitter fan base with engaging tweets (mind you!) and is a keen mental health advocate. Behind his smiles and a very caring personality, is a story that will keep you hooked. It is his personal story on mental health. Join us today in this exclusive interview with Stewart...
DMI: Your story of dealing with mental illness is in itself a book. Today, I want you to tell us a little about how it all happened. Tell us a little bit about how life was like before the ‘nightmare’ started….
SB: My father died when I was 11, and my relationship with my mother was strained.
I worked successfully as a broadcaster, and then moved into Public Relations. As I moved up the corporate ladder each role brought more stress and pressure.
My work ethos had always been to not only succeed in everything I did, but to do it perfectly. I would always beat myself up even if I succeeded with a project, even beyond everyone’s expectations, if just one aspect of it didn’t work out perfectly! I realised I was a driven perfectionist, but to me, at that time, that was just normal.
In the run-up to my illness I had an extremely high-powered, high-pressured job with an unsympathetic boss. I was in a corporate culture that heaped a massive workload on everyone and expected long hours to achieve it.
For around a year I had no idea what was happening to me, why I felt depressed, why panic attacks were a regular occurrence, why I wasn’t sleeping.
I regarded my wife’s parents very much as my main family, especially her father. It was during this stressful time at work that my grandmother died, and my mother-in-law died after a long and unpleasant battle with cancer.
Within weeks my father-in-law was also diagnosed with cancer. Then, on Friday June 13th 1997, while I was away on a business trip, my mind reached overload point, and alone in my hotel room I was on the verge of suicide. I rang the Samaritans, and without being dramatic, I can safely say that phone call saved my life that night.
DMI: Wow, there is so much in your story. Your father’s death at such a young age, being a ‘perfectionist‘, working in a very pressured environment, coping with the deaths of family members. Everything hit crisis point that Friday back in 1997. It is so important to call crisis help lines and/or seek help. Thank God you did!
So what were your reactions to the diagnosis of a mental illness in particular depression? How was it for your wife and children? How did they cope? How about your friends and other extended family?
SB: There followed the inevitable counselling, but nothing seemed to do the trick. If anything the depression deepened, as I couldn’t really believe the diagnosis. Even though nothing made sense I suppose I fought against the diagnosis, feeling that I needed to be stronger, and that I should simply be able to snap out of it.
My wife is particularly strong and loving, and was extremely supportive, even though she couldn’t understand what was happening to me, or why work and her mother’s death were affecting me this way. My children were too young to understand what was going on.
My friends appeared sympathetic and were quick to offer advice about taking a less stressful job, if I couldn’t cope.
DMI: Kudos to a very wonderful wife who was there to support you at the lowest point of your life, even though she herself was grieving! That is commendable. And what a blessing to have friends that were there for you too in their own way. I guess it seemed like taking a less stressful job seemed sensible, but that was not the solution at the time… So how about work? This high pressured job, what were they saying?
As it turned out, that decision was taken out of my hands. My company decided that as I had a mental health issue they were no longer prepared to employ me. At my next counselling session a few days later, Wednesday September 10th, the experts decided I needed to be admitted to hospital, and I became a voluntary patient at a private psychiatric clinic.
DMI: Did you feel shame? Would you say you experienced stigma due to mental illness?
SB: I was ashamed that I wasn’t able to cope with the situation, and that I was “going crazy.” And yes, the stigma heaped on me by the company I had served loyally upset me considerably. It made me feel that everyone was staring at me and talking about me behind my back, pointing at the “crazy guy.”
DMI: At Defying Mental Illness, we call stigma the distinguishing mark of isolation. Stigma certainly makes one feel isolated and no doubt that brought on the shame for you.
You spent 10 long weeks in a hospital. Tell us about your experience in the mental hospital.
SB: I settled into the routine of meals, medication, gentle activities, and consultation with psychiatrists, and I appeared to be progressing. I made new friends, and we swapped stories of how we came to be there, and I felt a great sense of camaraderie with fellow patients.
If anything, the support we gave to each other was equally as effective, but in different ways, as the professional medical support we were getting.
The empathy we had with each other was like an unbreakable bond. It is something I had never experienced before. I can recognise that empathy instantly when I’m talking mental health issues with sufferers today.
DMI: Empathy is such a key word. I like that word, empathy! This is was like peer support. Quite a positive experience in a mental hospital.
Tell us…How was your family coping at the time? Did it affect your marriage? Your relationship with your kids?
SB: My wife helped me through those days, and brought my children to see once a week. We all thought I was progressing, but my time in hospital then took a very dark turn.
By now my wife’s father was seriously ill, so she not only had to contend with me being in hospital, looking after our children who were then aged 6 and 4, but she was travelling a round trip of 240 miles each weekend to be with her dad!
Having seen my wife’s mother suffer so much with cancer I was hoping he would not suffer the same way. He suddenly took a turn for the worse and died. This knocked my already broken mind further into the abyss as I blamed myself for his death.
I explained to my doctors that I had killed him, as I had wished for him not to suffer. Voices were telling me that the only way to atone for my sin were to cut my throat and kill someone else so their spirit could accompany me to hell. It was at this point that I was sectioned for 28 days.
In Part 2, Stewart tells us his inspiring nail biting story on being sectioned and his journey of recovery!
About The Author
What a story! That was amazing. That was unbelievable. God is good.
This is indeed a great story no matter how many times you read it