When Loved Ones Desert you in your Hour of Need

What do you do when those you have trusted most of your life, shared your ‘bone marrow’ secrets, seemingly desert you in your darkest hour?  No kind words, no phone calls, no visits. 

Just a deafening, knife twisting silence.

You wonder what all the times before had been all about.   Had it all been fake after all?

It is easy to just walk right out of their lives and have nothing to do with them again.  After all, by their own choice they decided to fatally injure the relationship.  There is no excuse on the face of the planet that can explain their action.  NONE. 

No one with a heart of flesh, deserts someone when they are faced with life’s tragedies or crises.  But then the disciples of Jesus did.  With the exception of Judas, the others may have had a reasonable excuse, they feared for their lives. 

But in this instance, that is not the case…

But for the sake of your sanity and your wellbeing, you cannot allow anger, bitterness and even contempt to take a hold of you… Even though the shadows of their lack of compassion threatens to wound you deeply. 

No, you can’t allow that to happen especially when you are a firm Christian like me, that preaches to others to forgive those that hurt you.

Forgiveness is the F word. For those that can’t forgive, it is a swear word.  But that should not be so.

It may seem hard but forgiveness is necessary.  You forgive another person not because it absolves them from their wrong doing.

It means you excuse their bad behaviour.  In fact, you end up making a million excuses for them. 

It means you still speak to them.  Now, I am not talking about just being civil, just going through formalities. Goodness, no.   It does not mean that the conversation is masked with coded undertones which when decoded means you still remember what they have done!

It means still calling them on birthdays and Christmas, wishing them well…sincerely.

It means not bringing yourself to their level of so-called unkindness.

It means being the better person.

It means being at peace with yourself because deep down they may not be at peace with themselves.  Even if they are now, sooner or later, their guilt will remind them of what they did.

Yes, Forgiveness is the F word.  F for Freedom. 

You forgive to free yourself.  It may not mean that things go back to the way things used to be before necessarily.    But Forgiveness frees you from poison.  Forgiveness decongests the hurt and pain that you feel.

If a loved one or friend has deserted you when you needed them, don’t get bitter or even. 

Just be free.

About The Author

Zoe

Zoe met Eze (Chuck) in the 14th year of what turned out to be an 18 year ‘journey’ with mental illness. They got married less than a year of meeting with Zoe fully knowing Chuck had a diagnosis of mental illness. In the 18th year, Chuck defied the odds of mental illness. A consultant psychiatrist signed him off the mental health system with a bill of NO MENTAL ILLNESS. The consultant was so amazed by Chuck’s astonishing recovery that he even questioned how Chuck was diagnosed with mental illness all those years before, in the first place! Today Chuck is free from medication, its dependency and hospitalizations. Zoe’s award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS, chronicles the highs and ‘lows’ of this journey. Zoe, often writing from the standpoint of a caregiver, clearly understands that mental illness does not only affect an individual challenged with the disease, but also families, marriages and society as a whole.

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