Mental Illness and Love
So, is there such a thing as mental illness and love? Or do you see it as something that will all end in tears?
I remember interacting virtually every day with someone I was interested in. This naturally raised my hopes that my interest was being reciprocated. Alas, this was not to be; there was none of the romantic liaisons I had hoped for. Yes, I was disappointed.
When there is a threat of love not developing… or even worse being withdrawn… or worst, jilted… the effects can be devastating. It may seem like the world has stopped spinning on its axis. For some, unrequited love can leave them feeling depressed or even on the verge of mental illness. Some of us can relate to this very well.
Is it because we are love beings, we desire romantic love so much and take it hard when we feel unloved?
I also think when it comes to love and rejection, there is no discrimination among the sexes in feelings of rejection. This may sound strange that men can feel this way too! It is just that men handle things differently.
Love is something everyone relates with, or perhaps think they do. We want to love and feel loved. We melt when we hear ‘I LOVE YOU!’. When Zoe says those three words, they are like magic to the ear. But there was a time, a protracted time, when I did not hear those words, or thought I would ever hear them again!
Romantic love is something everyone relates with, or perhaps think they do. It can be seen in body language, even when it is one-sided. We are all comfortable (to a large extent) and more confident in an environment we are shown love. That’s why home teams in sports are always at an advantage in playing.
Mental illness however makes coping with rejection more challenging. When I always thought of how I was feeling, I found most people related to me by what I said about my challenges, instead of relating to me as a person.
And I don’t blame them! When others define you by your challenges, you may be treated accordingly. It may be subconscious on their part, but being treated like one is a child or not very intelligent or fragile because of mental health challenges, is not uncommon. While we ‘may’ get some additional attention, unfortunately, the attention may not be the actual romance we crave.
This is what most of us fear in developing romantic relationships when challenged with mental illness. We hide and deny this thing called ‘mental illness’ in our quest for romantic love.
However, though mental health challenges may place one at a disadvantage, there are many stories of strong relationships. One of our friends who has been facing long term mental health challenges has been happily married for a decade now. That is not to say there have not been challenges, but love and faith has helped weather the storms. So indeed mental illness and love is reachable!
I was fortunate to find myself able to open up on my mental health challenges not long after my first date with the lady who is now my wife, Zoe. She could have disappeared, but God has a way of securing His blessings. We have had many anniversaries since.
I do not think Zoe and I would be where we are in our relationship now had I hidden the mental health challenges I faced for very long. And just like one cannot hide or cover smoke, the truth of mental illness would have sooner or later surfaced!
It would not have been fair on Zoe to be surprised with a mental illness crisis spring up on her unknowingly! And a crisis did appear while we were dating. What if I had not told her the truth beforehand?
February 14 is round the corner. Valentine’s Day. A day associated with romantic love. For some, a good day, for others, a day that should be permanently banned from the calendar until we are in the ‘club’! Hopefully, if you were in the latter group, I have succeeded in convincing you that romantic love is indeed possible if challenged with mental illness.
Don’t short change yourself. Look forward to life. Look forward to love…mental illness et al.
Have you got any stories of romantic love to share, in particular with the challenge of mental illness? We would love to hear from you…Lots of love, Chuck!
About The Author
