Is it right to Move On when someone dies?
When a loved one dies, eventually one has to move on. Or is it right to do so?
Death is part of life. Sounds like an oxymoron. But at some point in our lives, the longer we live, we will face the inevitable of parting with a loved one permanently on this earth.
If one is however caught in an endless cycle of grief, it can begin to affect one mentally, emotionally and physically. And not only that, it can begin to affect others around the person too.
There is someone I knew many years ago who had lost her mother. She told me she just could not move on even though she was married with 4 children, had an enviable home and a fulfilling law career. She just could not allow herself to enjoy what life was giving her. And as a result, she turned to the bottle to compensate her loss.
Moving on when a loved one dies does not mean you forget about the person. It does not mean pretending like the person never existed.
Moving on is healthy. It gives closure. It is the final acceptance in the stages of grief. It comes hand in hand with celebrating the life of the person.
Moving on is about cherishing the memory of the person and keeping them alive in your heart always.
Moving on is about holding on to hope, and for many that hope deep down in their hearts, is that they will see them again.
Some feel guilty when they seem to be getting on with life. Say a spouse dies and five years on, they are thinking of maybe re-marrying. Some think of what others would say, in particular the in-laws and friends of the deceased. Does re-marrying mean you are betraying the love of your late spouse?
Do not entertain those thoughts. If you are a Christian, your beliefs tell you that you have a purpose on this earth. That your loved one has most likely fulfilled theirs and basking in heaven. The fact that your loved one is enjoying the la vida on another planet should be your comfort. It was my comfort when my loved one unexpectedly died leaving a gaping hole in my heart in the days and weeks after! But that hole was filled knowing that I had work to do still here on earth.
I took comfort from some of the things he himself had said shortly before he died. It was as if he had predicted his own death. He had said this…
Sometimes it may seem life is unfair when a young one dies when there are old folks around going from day to day. But the young one has finished all they need to do. The old folk may not have even started what he was required to do on this earth. Therefore one must not be unduly sad should a loved one be ‘taken early’.
Well, those words brought me tremendous comfort and numbed the pain a great deal. And those words confirmed that my loved one would not want me or anyone he loved, to be mourning incessantly for the rest of their life.
And that is what you have to do too. The guilt feeling that tells you that because you are basking on some paradise beach on vacation somewhere is solid proof that you could not have really cared or loved your loved one is a LIE. Ignore those guilt feelings. Who says you do not deserve to be happy? Who says you should be reconstruct your face with a permanent frown of sadness?
But then you ask, how much time is reasonable to start getting on with life?
Make sure you do not miss next week’s post as we look more into this important question and more. Please share this post with someone who is grieving.
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