Narcissistic Abuse – You Are Not Alone and You Are Not Crazy
by Alexandra Madeira
Narcissistic abuse is a mind-bending game of calculated manipulation tactics that will have you questioning your own sanity.
Because of its subtle nature, the damage is often done before we even realize we are victims of it. If you are here, there is a good chance you have already spent some time wondering: Am I crazy?
During the last 4 years, I have spent enough time reading about narcissistic abuse to confidently say, “No, you absolutely are NOT crazy!”
One of the most common red flags of a narcissist is an empathy deficit. T his combined with being self-absorbed, dealing with other people’s emotions is beneath them.
For instance, my fiancé would get angry when I cried, reminding me how pathetic and over-sensitive I was. In an effort to prove that I was not the weak person he insisted I was, I inadvertently did exactly what he wanted me to do. I stopped crying in front of him, and learned to bite my tongue.
While I started to mentally deteriorate from bottling up my feelings, he no longer had to deal with what as a burden to him: my emotions.
To add to that, narcissists will not accept accountability (unless they have something to gain from doing so).
In their minds, they honestly believe that they are never at fault. They will always find a way to twist your words and make your faults the focus of the conversation. Arguments between my fiancé and I were never focused on the web of lies and contradictions that he was
caught in.
Instead, I spent 70% of our conversations defending myself, and the other 30% wondering how we got from point A to point B. Not a single argument ended with compromise or closure. Instead, it ended with him calling me psychotic and dismissing me by closing a door in my face.
My life became one giant catch-22. No matter what I did, it was never good enough. I found myself apologizing when I did not do anything wrong. I internalized all of his insults, while he walked around as if nothing ever happened. Even though I knew that narcissists do not usually change, I still stayed. But why?
These relationships thrive because they are fostered with a cycle of amazing highs and painful lows. The highs serve as a reminder of what you will be missing if you leave.
During the lows, I would await the return of the person my fiancé was the week prior. And then history would begin to repeat itself.
These constant mind games left me too exhausted to nurture any kind of friendship. With this isolation, I spent a lot of nights alone with my thoughts. Here, I found ways to better navigate my anxieties. I recalled all of the times that I found positivity in, otherwise, dire situations.
I stopped compromising my own mental health in an effort to keep my misguided idea of love alive.
Narcissistic abuse may be confusing but my best advice is to research, and trust your gut. Your intuition will not serve you wrong. As you learn, you will heal. You will find strength in your weaknesses, and slowly rediscover yourself.
Know that your inner flame will reignite, and know that you are not alone, I promise.
Author Bio
Just a mother of two who has faced her struggles head-on and applies those experiences to her writing to create a bond with her readers. Sometimes a trainwreck, always a survivor.
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