What not to tell a parent of a child challenged with Mental Illness
Sometimes with all the best will in the world, we can end up saying the wrong thing to someone who just did not want to hear ‘those words’ at that particular time! Especially when dealing with a parent and child situation. And even more precarious when dealing with challenging situations such as mental illness.
Yes, we can be caught giving unsolicited advice where advice is not appreciated, wanted or helpful. It is not that we mean to be demeaning at times, but to the hearer that is just not what the doctor ordered!
And when it comes to kids, parents can be particularly sensitive over that matter! You can end up making an enemy for life by just saying the wrong thing.
If you know a parent whose child is challenged with mental illness, here are a few things never to say especially in a raw moment:
##1 It could be worse
This is THE worse that parent is feeling right now. Being told it could be worse, though meaning well, cannot be as comforting as intended. Yes, it could be worse, but it could be better too!
##2 You have done so much for this child. They got to learn to be more appreciative
This is especially if the child is a teenage ….or even an adult. I have known of cases where adult parents have been told by their other kids to put the child with the challenge of mental illness in a home or leave them to their senses!
It is not that their kid, (child or adult), is not being appreciative. And it is not that the kid has not learnt or is trying to learn a few things. Parents are usually aware of their kid’s needs and having anything that starts with ‘He/She has got to learn to…’ could be treading on a bomb!
##3 They need more discipline
Or they need a good spanking? Would you say to a child diagnosed with diabetes that they need discipline? No. Point made on this one.
##4 They are just attention seeking?
Who wants the turmoil of mental illness just because they want to be noticed? It is not all about attention seeking, and by the way which disease does not crave attention? When someone is crying out in physical pain, is that not attention? Mental illness is not about attention. It can be a very debilitating condition that indeed needs attention.
##5 But kids don’t get mental illness
The figures show 1 in 10 children will be diagnosed with a mental illness by the time they are 15. This is for those that are even diagnosed. Yes, wrong diagnosis do happen but that is a subject for another time.
Onset of some mental illness can begin in childhood or the teenage years. Some kids start to self harm from as young as 10. We can’t be in denial but reach out to these children and support the parents.
As mentioned earlier, hardly anyone wants to be deliberately mean. Yes, it can seem like you are treading on egg shells or a time bomb that is about to explode any moment with parents of these kids. However, let us not develop apathy to their situation.
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