Be A Success At Dating With Social Anxiety
By Deanna Michelle
Dating in this day and age is difficult. Things have changed over the last 10 years or so when it comes to dating, and numerous people suffer from dating anxiety as it is. Dating with social anxiety takes the entire dating process to a completely different level.
Social anxiety is being scared to meet new people for fear of being judged and/or ridiculed.
It’s more than just being nervous or shy, it’s like fighting a constant battle in your head with your thoughts telling you that you’re not good enough or that you will look like an idiot in front of a potential date if you attempt to speak to them.
It’s a constant voice in the back of your head spewing every single horrible outcome that you can possibly imagine in any given situation.
Social anxiety is walking into a room with our heads down in an attempt to not make eye contact with anyone or draw attention to ourselves.
We don’t want to be seen and we most certainly don’t want to be forced to talk to a stranger, especially someone that we may be attracted to.
Being attracted to someone can sometimes make the anxiety rise even higher. We long to be confident and outgoing, and to be friends with everyone but it’s just not in the cards for us.
For me, I have always been seen as the shy quiet girl who was too afraid to talk to strangers. Now that I’m older, I’ve realized that it’s more than just being shy; I am challenged with social anxiety.
I was thrust into the dating scene a few years ago after an ugly divorce and I was terrified! How was I supposed to meet new people when I become so shy and reserved around strangers?
Online dating has been a ‘lifesaver’ when it comes to dating with social anxiety.
It’s a much easier way to start up a conversation without having to look someone in the eye or any of the anxiety that comes along with meeting a new person.
It is less painful way to find out if someone is interested in you before meeting face to face which takes some of the pressure off.
Meeting face to face can still be a challenge for those of us who are challenged with dating anxiety even after chatting with someone for a good amount of time.
But you have to learn to face your fears head on and push yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s going to be challenging and you will probably feel like a nervous wreck. Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone can aid in boosting your self esteem and confidence levels.
However, you need to make a conscious effort to take these steps if you really want to date and possibly get married. You won’t find them by hiding in your protective little bubble despite how comfortable it may be.
Of course, it’s going to be challenging meeting someone for the first time but I promise it gets easier the more you do it. It has actually helped me become a little bit more outgoing and friendly with new people since forcing myself to get out there.
If you feel that online dating isn’t the right path for you to take, you can try other ways of meeting new people such as checking out any local anxiety support groups. Or asking family and friends if they know anyone single whom you may be compatible with. Get their number and spend some time chatting and getting to know them a little bit to see if you should pursue something further.
I know it’s challenging to put yourself out there and risk opening yourself up to someone new or being let down again. Dating with social anxiety takes work. It is not like we are going on ten dates a month. Yes, we are picky and we may only choose have a face to face date with someone whom we are very comfortable with, and even then it’s still extremely daunting.
We need the outgoing type of person; the one who is willing to put in some effort to crack us open and find out how many amazing things we have to offer.
As a person challenged with social anxiety, we don’t always have it in us to make the first move or walk into a room with our heads up and a smile from ear to ear. We would prefer to hide in the corner hoping that no one notices that we are there or hoping that just that one special person notices that we are there.
We just have to focus on our goals. If we don’t force ourselves to do it, we could be missing out on some really incredible opportunities and end up being stuck alone for the rest of our lives.
The views and opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect all or some of our beliefs and policy. Any links on this page does not necessarily mean they have been endorsed by Defying Mental Illness.
Deanna is a freelance writer, blogger, animal lover, and mental illness advocate. Having a degree in medical assisting, she enjoys writing about healthcare and specifically mental health. Writing is one of her passions and she recently jumped back into the freelance world earlier this year with the launch of her website (www.deamichelle.com)
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