When Suicide strikes in the Church 3 – Practical steps and tips

We have been looking at what to do when suicide strikes in the church.  Some weeks back a young banker ended his life tragically after seeing his priest.  Although these incidents are isolated, in Defying Mental Illness, even one life, is a precious life.

Today, we will conclude this series by examining what can the church do to minimize such incidents, even prevent suicide happening among its members.  We already looked at looking for some signs.  But lets look at what structures we can put in place:

##1 Remember people use words to camouflage depression and mental illness

People may be trying to act like they have this bull dog faith when inside they are literally suffering!

##2 Look for hints

Look for ‘church talk’ that hide issues. What is the tone?  Are they using ‘sub-texts’ (i.e. do you have to read between the lines)?
E.g.  Someone says ‘It is WELL’.  What they be actually saying is I am Worried, Empty, Low,  Losing it!!!

##3 Lets also look to develop a relationship of trust

Don’t disguise wanting to pray for you as a means to gossip!

##4 Encourage honesty and openness in the church

Don’t be quick to tell people, You should not be feeling this way as a Christian!  Remember, people who are feeling suicidal are ashamed!

##5 Don’t tolerate mental illness stigma

You don’t want those who are challenged with mental illness, feeling neglected and /or segregated.

##6 Look at the support system in your church

Someone who has been employed for many years and suddenly lost his job, what does your church offer in terms of support and counseling?

##7 Are they withdrawing?

Are they no longer coming to church?  How would you know how they are or what is happening to them?

##8 How are triggers being managed?

Do you know what are the symptoms of vulnerable people?

##9 Can you spot the signs of depression?

 How educated on mental illness are members of the congregation? Do you know that depression is not the same as feeling unhappy?  Or are clinical depression and unhappiness synonyms in your book?

##10 Show concern not fear!

If you show fear, then the situation may get worse because now you are showing there is no hope!

##11  Is the Message you preach, of condemnation, or of hope?

If you are a preacher or leader, don’t preach a message of condemnation.  The church is a hope center.  A lot of the time, people already know their flaws…they know they drink too much, that they are cheating on their spouse, that they are an absent father.  They need to be shown HOW not made to feel whipped!  

I like the sandwich rule especially with someone who you can see is struggling…  

A good sandwich is made of two slices and the filling in between.  The two slices are the positives.  The filling is the negative.

So for example:
Peter, you have a lot of potential in you.  You are gifted and with your ability with football, many of the youths look up to you and see you as a father figure.  (The first slice).

However, I can see you are distracted.  Sometimes, when you come to church, your words are slurring like you have been drinking.  You cannot afford to be distracted with drinking and alcohol.  It is a dangerous cocktail to mix alcohol with success in that it will impede you.  Alcoholism destroys life.  You need to take time out and deal with it.  Lets work on this together because it is getting out of hand now and you know it is very wrong… As a youth leader, you cannot do what you are doing, etc etc  (The filling – it has the caution, the reprimand, does not condone, etc).

There is so much in you, Peter.  You are intelligent and you know that what I have said makes sense. Get back in track because your future is bright.(The second slice ).

Can you see, the reprimand may be chunky (and most nice sandwiches have a chunky filling).  But the reprimand has been ‘sandwiched’ with the thin slices, the positives, which should not be flattery.  Remember, you are not trying to destroy the individual’s confidence.  This is not a rule of thumb, mind you, and in some cases, the second slice (the positive) may have to be saved for much later!

##12 Check our suicide hotline

Here on Defying Mental Illness, we have endeavored to compile a comprehensive list of suicide hotlines from around the world.  We would appreciate if you can let us know if there are any updated lines or changes as lives depend on this page.

##13 Intercession is key.

The church cannot forget the place of prayer.  In our world today, because of our advances in Science and so on, you may find that even Christians forget the power of prayer.  Prayer is a gift freely given to us.  Let’s use it.  We must learn to pray for OTHERS even when we do pray!

In a previous post, we also examined questions people may ask such as where is their loved one now that they have died by suicide.  Please read, there is so much in this post that WILL help someone.

In all of this, there are no winners with suicide.  That is why the emphasis has to be in restoring hope.  

If you are severely depressed and contemplating suicide, please speak immediately to someone.  If your think your church is unhelpful or your church is non supportive, have you told them your expectations?

I hope that in the last three series we have done that hope has been restored to whoever is reading this.  Remember you are always free to drop us a line or to ask us a question in our Q & A section.  You can choose to be anonymous, and we always keep your identity so, anyway.

To the banker, may your soul rest in peace.

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