Useable Brokenness
by Tonya King
I have a confession to make… I’m broken.
I am sure that if you looked at your inner self, you could say the same thing. There are many types of brokenness that stem from many types of problems and illnesses and I am talking about all of them.
If we go by the definition of brokenness that the world goes by, being broken means being without value or worthless.
But if we look at brokenness the way God looks at it, it means that we are now useful to God.
For so many years, I was afraid of my brokenness because of how the world viewed it. I did not want to be judged and found wanting. I tried to hide my fractures and my flaws so that others would see me as normal and whole.
In essence, I lived a lie. When did I start putting so much emphasis on what others thought of me?
It began when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I immediately felt “less than” and I knew if people could see who I truly was, they would have run away, never to look back.
But, as I grew closer to God, I realized that, in order to be useable by Him, I had to be broken.
Paul Miller writes, “The very thing we are afraid of, our brokenness, is the door to our Father’s heart”.
How can God use us if we are so full of ourselves and independent that we have no need of God?
When we are broken, when we have come to the end of ourselves, we have nothing left to give God and this is when we become usable. When the false identity we have been building comes crashing down, God then says, “now I have something I can work with”.
Our pride and ego has been washed away by the reality of our illness. We can no longer pretend that our life can be lived separate from who we truly are.
Our challenges with illnesses do not define us, but they do shape us. They turn our lives upside down, but it is from this perspective that we can see God’s light in our lives and His ability to take our brokenness and bring healing out of it.
I wonder if we could see the light God shines on others who benefit from our testimony, if we would be so concerned about the opinions of those who do not understand what we go through.
If we could see, briefly, how God uses us in our brokenness, to heal others, would we continue to hide our true selves away?
I am learning, slowly, that I need to be broken, defenses down, pride dead in order to be real and transparent. If I am hiding, I am not genuine, and God cannot use me.
But if I hold nothing back and allow people to see who I am in light of my challenge with illness then, maybe, I can do some good.
This is when God can make a difference in someone else’s life through me. It leaves me in awe that God would choose to use me.
I have come to realize that small miracles can happen everyday through you and me, but only if we embrace our brokenness!
Tonya King is a Writer, Speaker and Mental Health Coach. She is the founder of Faithful in the Midst ministries which is a ministry devoted to the healing and wholeness of mental illnesses through faith in Jesus Christ.
In 2003, Tonya was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and has been advocating to include faith in Christ as part of treatment and wellness plans. She has been walking with the Lord most of her life but has drawn very close since her diagnosis and truly lives her faith.
Tonya lives in Perry, Ohio, USA with her husband of 31 years, Kevin. She has four children, two girls and two boys. She is available for speaking and coaching engagements.
Read more about Tonya
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