When Comparison can be Positive and Healthy

Some time ago, I got talking about avoiding the trap of comparison. But it is not all doom and gloom.

There are situations that may ‘call for’ positive comparisons. Yep. I know I wrote a whole thesis that comparison is a trap. However we are talking here of comparisons that don’t lead to jealousy, envy and strife but motivate us. Such is not a bad thing.

Would you not agree? Sure.

However we are talking here of comparisons that don’t lead to jealousy, envy and strife but motivate us. Such is not a bad thing.

Would you not agree? Sure.

So, how can we positively compare ourselves to others?
I ended the last blog talking about horizontal, vertical (up and down) comparisons. I asked which way should we look.

Positive Vertical Up Comparison

Well, when we look vertically up, we are looking at others who are ‘doing better’ at something than ourselves.
Maybe they are top in a career while you would be happy to just get a job. Maybe you are a good writer but there’s your neighbor winning all the prizes and accolades.
When you compare yourself to the best, you will have a goal of what to achieve and even surpass. It is to help you see! Things may look impossible or hard till we see others do it

Somebody who is better at something than you are will stretch you.

You may have won a couple of prizes and all your friends and family think you are the best bestseller of the century until you hear of some bloke on TV.

That should however motivate you to know there are levels. That there is a new mountain to climb. Not to look at the bloke with suspicion or accuse him of cheating or pulling strings and cords.
When we compare ourselves to the best or those ahead, it is to help us gauge how far we have to go to be there. Or to be the best. Also to calculate how long it will take.
And there is nothing wrong with being the best. We all want to buy the best. Someone has to make them!

Could be you! But remember, all we are called to do in this world is to do our best. Give life our best shot.

What we often regret in life later on is not the mistakes we made but what we did not do or how well we did not do them!

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Remember most significantly, that we all have different purposes. Know what your purpose is. And run your own race.
Don’t become something just to prove to others that you can do it too or you are better.

Do whatever you do so that you can make a positive impact or change in the world.
And to do so means conquering new territories. So study those ahead.

Learn how they did it, their mistakes, how you can refine or do it better and go for it.

Positive Horizontal Comparison

This is when you are comparing yourself to perhaps your peers. You are all on the same level.
The purpose of comparing positively at this level is not from a prideful standpoint. But to support one another. Pull each other along.
You may all be studying at uni or getting the first this or that. Share knowledge with each other.
I remember when I wanted to do many things in life like even driving – for those who have already read my driving test escapades, you have a background picture that mine was quite an adventure.
Anyhow, it was good when all my friends were all learning to drive at the same time.

One by one we passed, we motivated each other, we encouraged, we told each other, you can do it and so on. (Well some were telling others the ‘you can do it’ talk more than others, ha! ).
For me, that healthy comparison helped. It did not make me feel a failure even after failing a few times…well it is out now! You had better go read the post and have a good laugh.
Another benefit of horizontal comparison, is to learn.
Sainsbury’s (a supermarket in UK) can compare itself with Tesco (another supermarket) in order to see how they are faring, and to also improve on any false sense of security!

Someone may be doing something better or easier than you. Compare and learn!

Positive Vertically Down Comparison

This comparison is not to say, hey look at me. Look at what I have achieved. How come you are still there?
No, a hundred times NO! If you should compare yourself to those who you are ahead of, it is to motivate them. To help them, to pull them up.
Not to rest your laurels either or become lazy. Because while you are putting your feet up, your shop that was the first on the road will soon be threatened by closure because the friend who you thought was a nobody, is now opening a mall!

Comparing yourself to you!

Finally, comparing yourself to you is a good comparison. Why?
Compare yourself to where you were and appreciate how far you have come.

Obviously I am not asking you to look for the negative experiences (which really can always turn out for our good. It all depends on how you look at life).

But see where you are today. And give yourself one big pat on your back.
Because in truth, we are only permitted to outdo our past, not get into ferocious competitions, going for each other throats in the name of comparisons!

About The Author

Zoe

Zoe met Eze (Chuck) in the 14th year of what turned out to be an 18 year ‘journey’ with mental illness. They got married less than a year of meeting with Zoe fully knowing Chuck had a diagnosis of mental illness. In the 18th year, Chuck defied the odds of mental illness. A consultant psychiatrist signed him off the mental health system with a bill of NO MENTAL ILLNESS. The consultant was so amazed by Chuck’s astonishing recovery that he even questioned how Chuck was diagnosed with mental illness all those years before, in the first place! Today Chuck is free from medication, its dependency and hospitalizations. Zoe’s award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS, chronicles the highs and ‘lows’ of this journey. Zoe, often writing from the standpoint of a caregiver, clearly understands that mental illness does not only affect an individual challenged with the disease, but also families, marriages and society as a whole.

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