When you are Jealous of your Friend
Being jealous of your friend is not a thing that just affects teenage girls…or women. Yes, men get jealous but in a different way. They may call it ego. Yeah right! It all boils down to jealousy in my opinion. And jealousy can strain relationships.
There are even instances of parents jealous of their kids! Pastors jealous of other pastors. Mentors jealous of their mentees. Now why you all acting surprise? Come on. You all know what I am talking about. It is just that we don’t want to admit it at times.
So what do you do when you can just feel that jealousy vibe bubbling inside you? And you are actually jealous of your friend?
##1 Admit you are jealous of your friend
Sometimes we act out that we are not really jealous. We just don’t want to use the J word.
But OK, why are so angry all of a sudden with someone who you were enjoying their company, before they dropped in they were buying a bigger house than yours? Why are you suddenly becoming catty? Why do you belittle their efforts?
It is because you are JEALOUS. Admit it and deal with it. Own up that you are disappointed, and walk out of it.
##2 Set aside time to be grateful
When we learn gratitude, the blows of life are not so sharp. We avoid sadness, and can even get a hold of depression before it takes root, by learning a few things about gratitude. It can be a tall order being grateful when everything is going seriously wrong. When your kid has just died and so on.
I personally know of a lady who had 6 kids of which 5 died. Did you hear what I said??? I tell you, every time I saw her, I would look at her like she had two heads (which she did not!) because she always had a chuckle about her. Back then, I could not fathom how she could even smile, let alone be jolly, when life seemed unfair.
Apart from her faith, I discovered her secret. She was somehow grateful for the last kid she had left, and till the day she died, her gratitude spurred her on to go on in life when sorrow could have been her constant companion. Her remaining child was her motivation to keep living. Life had given her some hard knocks, but she refused to stay down. She refused to be bitter.
Now where does this fit in with jealousy?
Sometimes, jealousy can set in because we are not even grateful for the little and even insignificant things we have. Rather be jealous of your neighbor’s SUV, thank God for your bicycle. In some remote rural places, they walk for miles. If having a gratitude journal helps, get one and write all that you are grateful for. Then when you feel yourself being jealous, look at the journal. You will be surprised about all the little things you took for granted.
##3 How is your self esteem?
Sometimes a low self esteem can get in the way. Our friend has something or achieved something because they had the guts to do something that you are fearful of. Get rid of fear. Work on the self esteem. Why think the worse of yourself.
Break free from being negative. Get rid of negative images in your mind. Pay your yearly subscription to your own fan club! If you keep telling yourself you are wise, you are the best, guess what will happen? You will grow in wisdom and be the best. Tell yourself you are hopeless, you suddenly attract mistakes, errors and bad decisions. You are the only one who can endorse the real you.
Always remember that. It is not what others think but what you think of YOU that matters. Having a great self esteem will be a good morale boost. Even if all your friends have something you don’t, you will find you don’t get jealous because you think highly of you. And also sometimes that thing that is making us jealous, is all we need to turn a negative emotion into a positive. i.e. become motivated to improve yourself in that area!
##4 Be humble
Now thinking highly of you does not mean becoming pompous. Sometimes, we’d rather stew in our mistakes or inconveniences rather than ask for help.
If someone has something you desire and/or already achieved something you like, why not ask them how they did it? What would it cost you?
Ask your friend how they got on the housing ladder, or the steps they took in buying a bigger pad (not in a nosey way of course). E.g. Hey Samantha, I really like your car. You know we were thinking of upgrading our car too. Is there any advice you can give us?
They may be too happy to share, except if they are selfish in their knowledge! (And make sure you really like the car too, not be sarcastic or spiteful, hey!).
##5 Stop comparing
We talked about the comparison trap some time back. Comparing, negative rivalry, and being in competition, only leads to jealousy and never being satisfied.
The only person we are to compete with is ourselves. And that is to say, competing in outdoing our past. Becoming better people. Why? Because we are all running different races. If you are constantly having outbursts and arguments with your friend, the truth is that maybe you are frustrated and do not even know.
##6 And finally….Make up
If your relationship with your friend has become strained as a result of your jealousy, it is time to make up. If you were mean, say you are sorry. Don’t allow the wedge to become bigger because you do nothing. The truth is, your friend also admires you. The truth is you have something that your friend does not, and wishes they had.
The Good Book says iron sharpens iron. So why not sharpen each other? Help them in the areas they need sharpening and likewise. That is what true friendship is about. And remember that thing that you are jealous of, all form part of the ingredients of what made you think your friend was amazing initially!
How have you dealt with being jealous with your friend? Please share.
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