When you feel you have been wronged
Have you ever been in the receiving end of any of the following:
- Unfair treatment or unjust punishment
- Been on the receiving end of racism, feminism or any ‘ism’
- Been side-lined for promotion
- Made to feel small or insignificant
- Been set up
- Been cheated on
- And so on?
The list is endless. But just how do you react when you feel you have been wronged? Like everyone, I have been wronged too…on several occasions. Or at least I felt I had been at the time. I could either stew, be unhappy, and plot my carefully laid out plan of revenge in getting back, or keep my sanity. I always choose to do the latter.
Here are some of my tips on what to do when you feel you have been wronged:
##1 Give the benefit of the doubt
I always start off from this standpoint – Giving the benefit of the doubt. It keeps me sane, take it from me.
Give the person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you misinterpreted their action. Maybe they were not aware that they were wronging you. Maybe they were having a bad day. Maybe they are just plain ignorant!! Are your thoughts clouded about them because of what others say about them? Always give them the MAYBE!
Also give yourself the ‘maybe’ too. Are you being over-sensitive? Are you the one being touchy? Are you the one having a challenging day?
Clarify the facts before rushing to conclusions. See the big picture. How has this person acted towards you before? Is this their nature? Are you focusing on the dot on the paper instead of the paper? Someone once said The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.
##2 Respond with dignity
I shared a while back about a very lovely ex-boss of mine that could write the manual on manipulation.
She had her hidden agenda, but I refused to be intimidated. I maintained my composure.
We can’t change people; only God can (but we can influence them). But when some people are consistently mean, and perhaps you have no choice but to work with them, or be around them, just respond with dignity.
At the end of the day, my wonderful ex boss came back to me months later and told me that she admired how gracefully I had dealt with the situation. She even dared to tell me how SHE would have responded.
Ironic. People who mistreat others do not often like the taste of their own medicine, huh?
##3 Not everything deserves your comment or attention
Silence is golden. There are times when silence is eloquence. And at times like this, just keeping those lips together is when. Maturing is realizing how many things don’t require your comment – Rachel Wolchin. Not everything deserves your comment or attention.
You don’t want to say the wrong thing (bad), get angry (worse) or start saying things that are unbecoming to you such as swearing or cursing (worst). So do the water thing I spoke about the other day in the blog on how to end a heated argument before it escalates. Remember? Have a bottle of water handy. When you feel angry or there are wrong words raging inside you, take a sip and swallow it down instead!
Think also of Jesus on the way to the Cross. He did not get into an argument or start commenting or giving back chat at His accusers. When Pilate was busy firing questions, Jesus remained silent much to Pilate’s disdain. Pilate even commented on Jesus’ refusal to speak! The only time He spoke to Pilate was to confirm who Pilate had correctly identified that He was! That is wisdom personified. There are times you only need to speak to confirm only the true aspects of the matter. That is when you have something of value to say!
##4 Forgive and move on
Here we go again, Zoe! Does every post have to end with forgiveness? Well, how else will you move on if you keep remembering the wrong deed? You will be the prisoner while they ‘appear’ to be living happily ever after, which makes you ‘madder’!
If possible, let them know how you felt once you have calmed down and rationalized the situation. Don’t sound accusatory. Minimize the YOU’s in what you say. Instead try saying, I felt I very upset when it seemed like my efforts were not recognized. This way you are taking your own responsibility of your feelings. It is better than saying You upset me because you ignored what I had done.
Remember Chuck once said We are not responsible for what others feel, think or do concerning you. We are only responsible for how we respond.
The Bible says to do good to those that hate you. Hate is a strong word; hopefully there is no hate directed from you. Before if there is, the best payback as the Bible says, is to do good…
And not expect to be rewarded by them for your good deed either (or do not even expect an apology at least)! Practise these and you will be at peace with yourself.
What are your tips on what to do when you feel you have been wronged? Share with us in the comments or on social media.
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