A child of my own
By Anonymous
Can you wholeheartedly love a child that you did not give birth to? Can you look into their tender eyes and respond with a love that has no hang ups?
When prospective adoptive parents start their journey of adoption, they may start with a one directional mindset of their intended family.
They want the prospective adoptive child to fill a void, heal some wounds, pick up and stick together rather clumsily the broken pieces of childlessness.
Up to that point, their view of the child that will join them, is all about THEM, the parents.
Perhaps if I extended love and compassion to an abandoned kid or an abused kid that has ended up in the system, my kindness will be repaid with a child of my own.
The stress of having kids would no longer be there. Is not stress said to inhibit conception? Many people (according to great aunt Jane) go on to have kids ‘of their own’ once they took the focus of conception (which adoption would do).
How selfish! How incredibly selfish!
Think for a minute about how that motive sounds. Think for a minute about this child that you are bringing home as a charm, a clutching straw, just for the sole reason of paving the womb path to a Von Trapp family!
And what if the Von Trapp family never happened? Would you feel short changed? Would all the efforts you made in adopting your ‘second class’ child (which in effect is what it boils down to!), be nothing but vanity, vanity!
Child of ‘your own’! What does that mean? An adopted child is as much a child of your own in the same way as a child of natural birth.
It was so amazing the number of times, I heard just those words, child of your own, when we decided to adopt Ayodele. I do not know if it is a cultural thing but it seemed to come from among more of my ethnicity than from others.
Even in Christian circles, Ayodele was the comma and not the full stop. It was like Ayodele was a means to getting the real miracle. The miracle was still on it’s way…one just had to hold the faith!! Or multiply it!?
Rather than celebrate the miracle of an adopted child that had joined a loving family, and could have a beautiful life, it was like, the best was still to come!
The truth is the best had already come. And his name was Ayodele. I could not have asked for any other child than the one that was now living with us.
If I had to give birth to a child, it would be Ayodele, a trillion times over.
And if I was to be blessed naturally with a child afterwards, they would both be loved equally. If we chose to adopt again, the same applies.
The fact is Ayodele is loved unconditionally. With all our heart. He is not some lucky charm, some waymaker to open my womb, or any such.
He is just a lovely boy that is in every way and form 100% our beloved and most loved son!
And a child of our own.
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