Working with Manipulators
This could not be happening. Had I imagined it? “Sorry, you did not pass your probation! Don’t worry others have not passed their probation before!”
Was the last sentence meant to be some consolation? Was this the same lady who had sat opposite me just over a week earlier? It had been an entirely different script then. In fact if I recalled, the conversation had been entirely the opposite. She had me and told me how wonderful I had been over the last three months. That I had passed my probation.
Had I imagined it after all? Was this a dream? The wooden expression opposite the table confirmed I was very much in the physical realm. The expression was softening now.
“How is that rash on the side of your face by the way?”
I could not believe this lady who happened to be my boss was saying all this in one breathe? She reached out to touch my hand. I pulled it away. I was not co-staring in this theatrics? The rash had nothing to do with her or more importantly my probation.
But then, probably it did. Working with a lady that had mastered the art and science of manipulation had probably brought it on. If only I had picked up the letter from HR that had confirmed my appointment. I had been in such a hurry to go away for my leave. No point asking her about that conversation. She would probably deny it.
“So how did I fail this probation?” I wanted to know. Tears were already prickling in my eyes.
“Oh you did not record a task in the database!” So out of all the other several tasks I had recorded, one insignificant oversight was sufficient to fail me. Had I not done the task? In fact I had no open jobs.
She had the upper hand and she knew it. She could abuse her position. After all by her own admissions and ambitious tactics, she had displaced her previous boss, literally driven him to a real mental breakdown and shamelessly told me the manipulative details of how she had done it!
The jigsaw puzzles were now coming together. She felt threatened by this ‘intelligent’ young girl. She had hinted several times I was clever, I was this, I was that. She had even joked if I wanted her job. She was afraid of her own shadow. This failed probation ploy was to put me in my place. To remind me who exactly I was!
I asked if she was done and gracefully left her presence. In the toilet, I wiped the tears that were now streaming free will. I wondered to myself how people like her slept at night. In the previous three months she had told me daily I was a godsend.
I was young. She had studied my make up; impressionable and eager to press ahead. How could a missed entry constitute to such a dramatic sledge hammer action? On a bigger scale, I had been the one who had devised and implemented the very database. What was more important? The car or the seat covers? Goodness, I had actioned every other task. I had brought new ideas to the team. Stayed late some evenings…
Coming back to my seat, I smiled, asked her what she wanted me to do. For the next three months, I made a thousand percent sure that no stone would be left unturned. I passed the extended probation. She was saying words of how she admired my composure, my resolve. I had handled that day very well. She had learnt something from me.
I was not so interested in her words anymore. I had done what was right. I had learnt one of life’s lessons. I had to move on and forgive. People like her were thick skinned, whether I moved on or not, besides. These games were their daily sustenance.
Few months later she left for riper pastures. She recommended me for her position. She could easily do that. I would no longer be a threat to her.
I got the job, ‘her’ job. God’s provident hand had been with me, even when I had not even dreamt of such a promotion.
So how do we recognize manipulators? Could we be one ourselves? I remember years ago, my pastor asked me to do an exhortation on this topic. It really opened my eyes to this subject and I have listed seven manipulative traits in my next post.
Though exhibiting some of these traits below does not necessarily mean you are a manipulator, can you nonetheless spot and adjust any of these traits in you?
This post appeared in Women Empowering Women magazine (Spring 2015). Please share any experience you have had with being manipulated.
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